I'm dedicating this post to Jocelyn. I'm sorry this is such a short one, but I promised I would write you one soon. :)
Let's get right to bidness. You know about Red Ruth. Did you also know about Red David? Oh, yes…there is one of those. He very, very rarely makes an appearance, but when he does…it's like a RAGING MONSTER OF -- okay, yeah, I can't even fake type something. David's "temper" consists of eye rolling, a lot of sighing, and just repeating, "Ohmygosh, you're ridiculous," over and over. It's really adorable.
It takes a lot to get David frustrated or up in a tizzy about something. He's reading this and said, "I don't get in tizzies. That's something a cat does." Okay, fine, he doesn't get huffy about things…HA, he just said, "I don't huff either," as he huffed off. I could literally say, "I want to paint every room PINK!" and he'd just shrug and be like, "Eh, that's cool. Just use tape around the door frames." I'll leave bras hanging on the doorknobs in the bathroom. I use his good razor all the time. I put his glass in the dishwasher the second he sets it down anywhere. I randomly paint the stair banisters. He doesn't care. He's just so chill.
However, there ARE two things that temporarily transform him into a glarey-eyed, semi-dragon man…the only two things he ever asks of me…the two things in this world I just can't quite make myself do.
IT'S SO HARD, Y'ALL.
1. Use a pencil, level, whatever and only hammer in a nail once when hanging up pictures.
2. Wrap the extension cords back up neatly (he has, like, a method for this).
The energy of the universe just doesn't allow me to do either of these things and I hate it for him, I do. But even when I don't accomplish his requests, he's still a honeybearchookykins.
Red David and the Perforated Drywall
Red David and the Attack of the Orange Snake