Marriage Retreat in the Mountains

Well, it wasn't so much in the mountains as near the mountains...the foothills. But, it was close enough. And it was gaw-geous! Our hometown church goes every year to either the beach or mountains and has a weekend-long marriage retreat. We absolutely love it. The people are fabulous and it's just a great weekend to relax, fellowship, learn, eat, nap, play games, whatever. It's all good. On Saturday, after lunch, it's do whatever you want until our steak (delicious) dinner that night. Usually, we go hiking with the parental units, but no hiking for me this year. (I totally could have done it, but Mom was like, "no no no.") So, David and I stayed on the campus and had our own little day.

First, we hijacked a golf cart and led the police on a wild goose chase. Except, the Reynolds actually let us borrow their golf cart and there were no police involved.

Then, we went for a hike around the lake. Here is David enjoying his favorite past-time.

This is me enjoying mine.

This is our attempt at being cute and maternity-ish...but it came across as kind of..."The Legend of the Creepy Hands...In Black and White...a Saga of Untold Horrors"

Mrs. Roz gave me these adorable coins that I can keep with me to always remember to pray for those sweet little squatters.

I picked up a few acorns to throw at David.

This is him huffing and puffing and coming back to get me because I hit him a couple of times. Tee heee...

It took about 829 shots to get this one...I can't smile like I used to. My cheeks get in the way. Sigh.

We saw this ginormous alligator (fish) swimming towards us. He was as big as a car (child).

This is me doing my "waddle".

Scouting for...stuff.

Arrrrgggh...I spot a ship...OH...that reminds me. We totally saw a HUGE snake! Alive. He was big...he was on the trail right in front of us, but slithered into the lake right as we walked up. I couldn't get my camera on fast enough. He could have swallowed us whole, he was so big.

Don't know what it is, but it's cool.

We played a little putt-putt.

It's hard when your belly is in the way.

We both got a hole in one on this one. I got it first and David copied my swing.

I hear this whoosh whoosh and I turn around and say, "What are you doing?" And Hugs goes, "I'm swinging my club really fast because it makes a cool noise." ................boys.

I tried to go through the center...twice...didn't work. So, I went around and got it in on the first try. So, technically a hole in one, but I had to count it as three because the other two times, my ball hit a brick and bounced out.

So, David goes down the middle and gets it.

Angry golfer faces. Oh, David won, by the way. By four points. He kept rubbing it in and so I finally said, "Well, sad that you only won by four points against a girl who has a huge obstacle in her swing path." That hushed him.

We drove the golf cart around some more and went to check out the paintball course. This poor fellow had been long dead...no doubt having experienced the merciless scourge of wrathful paintballers throughout the ages.

Getting ready for some steeeeeak.

Playing the Phase 10 dice game. See the lady sitting to David's other side...that's Amy. DO NOT play games with her...she will always win.

We played the Newlywed Game. David and I tied for second. If only I had gotten the smoothie question right.

Solutions

I have a solution for everything...I really do.

You fix a big bowl of Multi-Grain Cheerios, all excited about it, open the fridge and whaaaaat? There's only whole milk? Where is the skim milk? You've had skim milk your entire life...whole milk is blegh! It's like drinking a jug of Crisco lard. Well, you really want those Cheerios...suck it up and pour the milk. Then, add equal parts water...problem solved. Now, you have watery whole milk...which is basically skim milk. And why is there whole milk in my fridge? I'm assuming it has something to do with something David has made recently.

You make a huge batch of Lemon Blossoms for the marriage retreat this weekend...but alas, they won't all fit in the container. What do you do? You, in one sitting, eat all of the extras that won't fit...problem solved. And delicious. Man, you make good Lemon Blossoms, Ruthie.

You're putting up your laundry and poops, your t-shirts won't fit in the t-shirt drawer. How did this happen...they used to all fit. Well, you summon all of your might and SHOVE them into the drawer...even if the drawer screams in agony and fights it...you make it work. Even if you can never get to your t-shirts again because the drawer is wedged completely shut...you at least got the shirts in there...problem solved.

You're unloading the dishwasher and you can't really bend over well enough to organize the tupperware cabinet, so you just kind of toss everything in there and QUICKLY (it has to be quick) shut the door. You know the danger that awaits for the next unsuspecting victim...tupperware attack. But, it's okay...you won't be opening it...AND you got the dishes put up...problem solved.

You have a ton of Christmas shopping to do, but you can only walk for about an hour before your feet explode. Amazon.com it, baby...problem solved. Now, are you not only finished with Christmas shopping before the end of October, you're totally in the Christmas spirit for the rest of the year.

You're too tired/lazy/disinterested to dress up for anything...it's all good. Get pregnant. You can wear whatever you want and nobody will say anything...problem solved.

You get a phone call from a number you don't recognize...could be your friend that just switched providers, could be a telemarketer...you don't know. Always answer the phone with "Con queso?" If it's your friend, they're like, "Most definitely. I'll meet you at Los Pantalones in 5 minutes." If it's a telemarketer, it will either throw them off because it's not in the script or they'll start thinking about cheese and hang up anyway...problem solved.

You make a yogurt and fruit smoothie...tastes kind of blah, but you know it's healthy, so you drink it. But, no, it's really blah...add a banana. Fixes it right up. Your pot roast is missing something, but you don't know what...add a banana. Your Thanksgiving dressing is not quite there...add a banana...problem solved. Bananas fix everything.

Your touch-up paint job (that you spent hours working on the other night) doesn't QUIIIIITE match the living room walls, but you're too tired to care. Just tell your guests that you're going through a new artistic period in your life and wanted to express yourself...problem solved.

You're in a public waiting room...and the two munchkins residing in your belly start moving...a LOT. And it's very noticeable, even through your shirt. The guy next to you loooooooooooks...his eyes gets wide...it's obviously creeping him out. You turn to him and half-whisper, "Aliens..." And then settle back into your chair, finishing your Far Side book...problem solved.

One scraggly puppy + a handful of Pop Rocks

Before you go and call the animal folks, just remember how mischievous of a dog this is, how he eats anything and everything he can get his little paws on, how he totally came back for seconds, how he's still alive this morning and how completely spoiled he is. And enjoy.

Also, I apologize for the ridiculously unified answer of "Pop Rocks" from David and myself. It was uncalled for and unplanned.

I PASSED!

Praise the Lord, I passed my glucose test! Woot woot! I called yesterday afternoon and Nurse was like, "Oh yeah, you passed...it was 120." And I jumped up and down and whooped and hollered. I don't know why that was such a big deal to me, but it was stressing me out. And also, how about the finger prick test was just a tad bit off. That's kind of worrisome as far as their testing equipment goes. Oh well, who cares. I passed! I celebrated with a piece of 13-layer chocolate cake. I hadn't had anything sweet all day, so I was like, in your face sugar test. But, no worries, I'm still gonna eat super healthy. I don't want these girls coming out too chubby...I'm running out of room. Anyways.

So, here are the twins all cute and squishy and sweet. It's kind of all over the place...she was moving fast to keep me from having to lay there much longer after my two "episodes." One of the gals wouldn't show her face, so the nurse kept jiggling me to try to get her to turn around...which was awesome fun for my 110% full bladder. At the beginning, you can see the profile of one, and if you look closely, you can see her sucking and opening her mouth...you can also see her "claw" hand floating above. (It reminds me of that episode of Friends when Chandler played Ms. PacMan too long and his hand got stuck into that shape.) Then, she turns and her face goes in and out of the light. Her little lips and nose get smushed some, but you can see them for the most part. I'm not sure if, at this resolution, you can see their hair, but it's there. Their tummies are full and she points out the bladder and kidneys. There are also a bunch of feet tangled around in there. I love watching their heartbeats.

Now I see why people are obsessed with their kids. Never understood that until now. You might say I'm obsessed with my pets...but no, you're not obsessed with your pets until you have cross-stitched pillows of them on your bed...which I do not. And I frequently say to both of them that if they try to steal my popcorn one more time, they're out on the streets. And good luck trying to find a job, you furry little critters.

27 Week Check-Up

Well, yesterday, me, the twinners, Mom and David all headed to the doctor and I had an ultrasound and my (stupid) glucose test. We wake up at 6:00 am, get ready and head out. My appointment was at 8 am, but since I live in a suburb, getting downtown during rush hour traffic is like trying to pull a baby hippopotamus' teeth while his mom is watching...just a horrible experience, and you don't want to do it. I could only eat two egg whites and a piece of toast that morning. When we got to the office, I drank the freezing cold glucose Sunkist syrup concoction (basically, pure sugar in a cup)...which really was not all that bad. I could have had another glass, but whatevs. Then, we head to the ultrasound room so we could see the gals. Yay!

I'm laying there on the table, covered in goo, and Nurse starts measuring the gals' noggins and tummies and femurs and whatnot and I start feeling kind of funny. I try to fight it, but the darkness starts settling over my eyes...the stars are so pretty. I say, "I'm getting a little bit dizzy." And she, David and my mom help roll me over to my left side and David fans me for a little bit. I start feeling better and I roll back over...but nope, happens again. So, I lay for a little bit longer on my side and close my eyes. Mom's yelling at me to "Open your eyes! Open your eyes!" I just kept thinking...I want to sleep...I just want to go to sleep. Nurse explained that one of the girls was directly over the vein or whatever that carries blood to my brain and that, mixed with the fact that all I had to eat so far was toast, egg whites and my cup o' sugar, was kind of taking its toll on me. But, after some awesome fanning from Davey, she lifted my head up on the table and we finished the ultrasound that way. And it was fabulous.

So, my little pregnancy book and my email updates have told me that this past week, my baby should weigh almost 2 pounds. They're assuming that for one baby. So, I'm thinking...well, twins are usually underweight a little bit, so I figured they'd be about 1 pound and some change. Nurse says, "Alrighty...these girls are measuring about a week and some days ahead of schedule for one baby, so that's great. That means they're healthy and big." Basically, I will be having two Tonka trucks. One is 2 pounds 10 ounces and the other is 2 pounds 13 ounces. She said even identical twins are rarely born the same size. I said, "Okay." Baby A (on the left) is still feet down, but Baby B is head down and closest to the bottom...so, now, she's technically Baby A. It's so complicated...I'm just like...you just tell me that they're fine and that's all the info I need.

It's AMAZING how clear ultrasounds are nowadays. We opted not to get the 4D ultrasound because #1. You had to pay extra and I'm like...shoot, I could buy them 5 pairs of shoes with that money and #2. Dr. Mac said the babies rarely come out looking like their 4D ultrasound and #3. I'd rather be surprised. But, how about it was sooo clear yesterday and one of them gave us a great shot of her face. So squishy and perfect. Ah, I'm eaten up with it. We saw their hands (poised like a little claw...it was hilarious), their feet...you can see the tarsals and all their little toes, their little fannies (still girls, yay!!!!), their precious heads...complete with a ton of hair. How crazy is that...you can see hair on their heads. God is amazing. On one of the profile shots, you could see her moving her lips and sucking and swallowing and then she opened her mouth said, "Hey guys." It was so sweet. Then, she turned towards us and she had the most PERFECT LIPS EVER. Her nose was too cute and round! I love it! Her eyes were closed, but you could see her whole face for a split second. Anyways...both of their rears are in each others faces, but they don't seem to mind. I could just go on and on and on about how perfect they are, but I won't be one of those people.....yet. :)

After the ultrasound, I went and got my finger pricked for the blood test...and I FAILED. Ugh, I was so mad. Stupid sugar. It was high, but not super high. So, they took me back to Dracul-Nurse and she drew 4 vials of my blood. They said the finger test was not as accurate as the regular blood test, so they'd test it again and call with the results today. I have to be below 140. I was at 150 on the finger test...stupid sugar. So, PRAY that I pass this one, because the next glucose test takes three hours and I wouldn't be able to eat or drink anything from midnight the night before until noon that day. Which...that sounds ridiculous to me and I don't plan on that happening. I ain't got time for that. And then, if I fail that one...it's super restrictive (lame) diet and/or daily insulin shots...Oh, Wilford...stay away from me. Dracul-Nurse said it was very common to fail the finger prick, but not the real blood test, so I'm hoping. I will let you know...I mean...it's coming up on Thanksgiving and Christmas...I have to eat sweets. The girls need it. They told me.

After that, we met with a new doctor (because I have to rotate through them) and he was funny. He measured my belly and I am 27 weeks and 5 days...but I am measuring at 37 weeks. Awesome. Probably because there are two small planets residing in my innards. But, no bed rest! Hoodley hoo!

We grabbed lunch immediately afterwards because I was having trouble seeing straight. Mom headed home and I was sad to see her go. Being babied has made me super homesick (and hormonal). I do cry at random stuff and I'll look at David and say, "I don't know why I'm crying" and it's pretty funny and we'll laugh...but it being the Fall combined with my parents being 3 hours away and just being super sentimental about everything now...sigh. So, I'm very grateful for the times that I do get to see them and visit.

Anyways...sorry for the lack of ultrasound pictures and video...I will post them tomorrow!

Hallerween Awesomeness

This weekend was busy, but supertastic. Great times all around. My mom came up Saturday afternoon. I have a doctor's appointment today (at 8am, so that's where I probably am right now) and the dadblasted glucose testing to make sure I ain't got the diabetus (as Wilford Brimley would say). But, I'm still looking forward to the appointment because it's ultrasound time! Sooo very excited to see how big the girls are...they have to be at LEAST toddler size, because I am roughly the dimensions of a medium oil tanker. Anyways...this is the first ultrasound Mom's gotten to see in person, so I'm very happy to have her here.

Friday evening and Saturday morning, David and I finished our goodies for the Halloween party Saturday night...which was thrown by Malinda and Zack and was perfectly fabulous!

David made a delectable 13-layer (really 11 layers) chocolate cake that I helped ice and decorate. Look at this...LOOK AT IT! Ahh...so delicious.

I love love love caramel apples...and chocolate never hurts...so, we made some chocolate covered caramel apple wedges.

These were the "special" apples.

Here is the party spread...isn't this adorable? Props to Linders for her amazing decorating skills. I ate WAY too much. The gals didn't mind, but I was hurtin afterwards. Totally worth it. And just in time for my sugar test.

At le party...Princess Leia (Story) graced us with her presence.

Clint Eastwood (Taylor) and Lobster (Holland) were also there.

Creepy fat guy and Samwise Gamgee made an appearance.

Sara came as a girl from the wrong side of the streets. My mom was a witch doctor. I came as myself.

Ben was a ninja warrior...or Rice Patty Neehow.

Sweet punkin Davey Pooh.

Chris = Francis from the Xbox game Left 4 Dead.

Reid lets us know what he thought of the party.

Zombie Jackie O was hungry and took the opportunity to snack on whatever.

Heeeeeeey, kids! Come on over and sit on Uncle Buford's lap. (Chill chill, it was IBC root beer...only the best root beer ever.) I also took this opportunity to see just how much neck fat I could squish out.

Eric's handiwork...looks like a movie poster, huh.

The gals.

The guys.

The Zombie Kennedy's (and super duper hosts) and the Great White Tallula.

Everyone needs a chocolate moustache.

(The really cool pictures were stolen from Malinda's Facebook page and I didn't take any of them.)

Harpy Harllerween

I don't really think of Halloween as a holiday...to me, it's more of a candyday. Growing up, we'd get dressed up and Mom and Dad would take us trick or treating to neighborhoods they knew were super safe or just to peoples' houses they knew would give us normal candy. Most of the time, we'd just go to church festivals and get all our candy there. The best candy comes from church festivals. I learned that pretty quickly. Old people will give you the orange and black wrapped candy...it's good for trading, but it's not as delectable as a mini Snickers bar.

The girliest costume I ever wore was a princess costume. Sara was a dragon that year. Kind of weird and funny now that I think about it. From then on, we were either cowboys, Indians, ninjas...that sort of thing. Oh, one year we were Peanuts characters.

I jump and scream when the babies kick me, so yeah, haunted houses or horror movies aren't great for me. I'm pretty much a lame-o when it comes to Halloween. But I love getting together with friends...just as we're doing tomorrow night over at Zack and Malinda's! Go check out her blog to see some of the fabulously amazing eats we'll be having. She always decorates so cute!

David and I are making a thirteen layer chocolate cake...complete with spider web on top. I'll try to remember to take pictures. Well, it WAS 13 layers...I think we're down to 11 now. But that's okay...I ate the other two layers' pieces, so rest assured they didn't go to waste. We're also making cheese biscuits (because that's something I can make) and chocolate covered caramel apples.

I got candy for the house...we usually have a ton of kids that come and see us from the neighborhood. The little ones come early in the evening and they are oh, so sweet.

"Trick or treat, please."

"Well, hello! And what are you? Are you a ninja turtle? Do you fight the bad guys?"

"Uhmmm...(turn around to mom and dad to make sure it's okay to answer)... Yes, ma'am."

"Well, that's great! Here you go!"

(Reach into the candy bowl and pull out one piece of candy)

"Oh...gosh, no, you gotta get more than that. Superheroes have to eat more candy."

(Smiiiiiile creeps onto the chubby cheeks...turns back around to mom and dad...scoots closer...grabs three more pieces and quickly shoves them into the bag)

"Thank you! Happy Halloweeee-----" (trails off as they scurry back to parental units)

They're very polite.

The older kids come later in the evening. Their costumes usually consist of their basketball jersey, a black sheet, or fake blood smeared on their neck...holding Wal-Mart bags. I'll answer the door and say, "Seriously? You expect me to give you candy when you look like that? No...negative. You have two choices...you can either do a Charlie Brown dance or you can reenact a scene from a movie." And guess what...they'll do it! Since it's the end of the night, I usually give them a ton of candy each just to get rid of the stuff, because I don't want it, and because they just did a verbatim reenactment of the boat scene in Princess Bride and it was perfection. "Anybody wanna peanut?"

Anyways. I hope you all have a fabulous and safe Harllerween. Remember, calories don't count tomorrow, so eat as much as you want. If you come to my house, I have pixie sticks. And if you're not dressed up, have a dance or monologue prepared, because you will have to perform. Dance, monkey, dance!