Thursday, April 15, 2010

Co-Workers = Friends

Every job I've ever had, I've always taken away with me amazing friendships that I know I'll have forever. I honestly think that God led me to a few of those jobs just to meet those people. Just like I think God led me to camp that year when I was 15 so I would meet that guy and develop the hugest crush, like, EVA, OMG. But in reality, God wanted me to meet and develop a friendship with his sister, who I adore and love and I know I'll always have that relationship with her and be insanely jealous of her fabulous red hair. So, see...funny how God works things out.

My current job situation...I'm a stay-at-home graphic designer and I have several clients, but I have one for whom I do contract labor and about 99% of my work is for them. And I absolutely love it. And them. You know I don't disclose a ton of personal, I'll give you my SSN and credit card info, but my birthday, that's where I draw the line. So, I won't give you the name of the company, but I will tell you that it's a wonderful and caring place that hires ex-convicts...helping them find themselves, rehabilitate and assist them in stepping back out to make their place in today's society. They're a pretty rough, ragtag group of folks...I won't name any names...most of them having been arrested for soliciting (Katie), underage Bingo-ing (John Paul), midnight streaking through the neighborhood (Mrs. Patti), questionable sidewalk chalk artwork (Crystal), and illegal transport of Canadian maple syrup (Dalton). But they have the biggest hearts and they're doing great in this new program. I'm really proud of them. I'd like to introduce you to some of them.

This here's Dalton. He's from Canada, eh. He moved to America a few years ago because he was caught illegally transporting pure maple syrup across the border. And everybody knows that maple syrup is to Canadians as moonshine is to Americans. While here, he met, fell in love with, and married the boss' daughter, Lindsay Beth, and so he decided to stay. It's a good thing, too, because that commute would have been super lame, eh. Leslie Nielson.
This is Lindsay Beth, eh. (Do you ever try to make him say stuff just because it's funny to hear?) Aboot. Hey, oh, hey thee-er, hey. Maple syrup.
Oh, those two. They're just aboot the cutest couple ever.

This is Katie Christmas. She's the ringleader. You don't mess with her. She bites people. She solicits. She disturbs the peace. God still loves her, but He's got his eye on her. Don't let her sweet smile and designer sunglasses fool you. They don't call her Krazy Katie for nothing.
Katie is on the local roller derby team, The Deathers. You'd probably think she picked up this injury during a really rough game, but was after the game. The opposing team's captain made a snide remark about The Deathers' uniforms and Katie was having none of that...fighting ensued. Wheels, elbow pads, spit flying everywhere. The Deathers were victorious for a second time that night.

This is Stephanie. Don't be scared, this isn't her usual smile. You might think it looks like she maybe had dental work and the left side of her face was numb, but you'd be wrong. Usually both sides of her mouth are droopy, and normally one eye is kind of slanty and she drools a lot, but she seems to have been doing okay in this picture. Poor kid.
Ha...Steph's face. Bless her.

This is Sabrina. I think she got her hair cut. It's super adorable, btw. She was arrested for literally stealing candy from babies in the local park. Babies are pretty gullible and she used that to her advantage. So many babies out there without candy...all because of her.

This is Crystal. She's very artistic and creative...hence the sidewalk chalk incident.
She's married to John Paul. That's not John Paul in the picture. That's some other guy named Juan Paulo. Are you eating Cheez-Its? Gosh, I haven't had Cheez-Its since I was like Sunday School. I miss those things. They're known as the Bonnie and Clyde of the 21st Century. Before rehab, they robbed countless stage coaches...leaving thousands of 1800's merchants penniless in their wake.

The company has their own fighter plane. They like to fly over daycares and elementary schools and scare kids. It's pretty hilarious. Kids...screaming and crying in terror...ah, good times.

I THINK this is John. I've actually never met him in person. Hey, John! How is your wife? (They're having a baby!) I hope she's feeling better. John knows Greek. Probably because he's a top secret spy or something. I mean...probably because he just casually wanted to learn it one day...not because he's a spy...ah, I've said too much!

This here's all the gals. Well, not all of them. A few ladies weren't in the picture...Mrs. Patti, Annette, Beth, Tracye, BJ, Jane, the other Katie, Marie, Monica, Regina, Tanya, etc. (If I left someone out, it's only because I'm protecting your identity.)

Lindsay Beth, Crystal, Christian, Katie, Sabrina (is that Sabrina? She DID cut her hair), Stephanie, and Kelly. Instead of doing individual mug shots, the police department decided to have them all stand together, because they're usually involved in misdemeanors together and it saves film.

They live in the Siberian Tundra, as you can see. It's to keep them from escaping. Even though they're free citizens now, some people might not think they're ready for the real world yet. Who knows when they might slip back into their old ways.

This is Christina. She's from Russia and is trained in highly specialized martial arts and Ninja fighting power. She actually used to train secret military fighting forces, but one day...she went rogue. I can't say any more than that.

This is Justin. He's really shy, hence the silhouetted image. Doesn't like his picture taken...thinks it steals his soul. Actually, he's a bit of a celebrity. I'm not supposed to tell you this, but Justin is Steve Jobs' nephew! So, obviously, Justin loves everything Apple and Macintosh. Sometimes, he'll be talking to his Mac Book Pro or iPad or iPhone or iPod (I just realized they all start with a "P", huh) and you have to just be like, "Geez, get a room." So weird.

For Christmas, look what these sweet folks did for me since I couldn't be there for the Annual Ex-Con Christmas Party.

This is the Boss and Lady Boss.
Katie and Kelly and CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!
This is Ben. That's his handwriting, too. Girl. (JUST KIDDING, BENNERS!)
John Paul + Botox
BJ, Justin's wife. I wish I had been there, too, Beej. Give Emmy a hug for me!

I love you guys! Y'all are the best ever and simply fabulous. I'm sure I'll see you this summer sometime. Can y'all send down the fighter jet this time?


  1. I can neither confirm nor deny that we are sending the fighter jet.

  2. So glad that we all got outed. :) LOL!! Loved it Ruth!


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