Receptionists

We LOVE our pediatrician, Dr. Reminds. He's fabulous. Always makes us feel like we're his only patients...well, not me, but the girls. However, the receptionists at his office aren't...well...they're not the brightest stars in the sky. They're one fry short of a Happy Meal. Their elevator doesn't go to the top floor...if you know what I mean. These are actual conversations I have had with the receptionists at Dr. Reminds' office:

Ruth: Hi, this is Ruthie Pooh. I just had twins two days ago and I was told to make their appointment today to try to come in tomorrow or the next day.

Reception: Okay, Mrs. Pooh. What is your baby's name? And how old is he or she?

Ruth: Well...one of their names is Harper and the other is Piper Lee. And they're two days old.

Reception: Okay. I've got Piper Pooh down for 2pm tomorrow. And what is her birthday?

Ruth: Uhm...well...she was born two days ago, so December 30. And I need to make an appointment for Harper, too.

Reception: I thought you said her name was Piper.

Ruth: Yes, Piper Lee. And her twin sister is Harper. She needs to come in for an appointment, too.

Reception: Oh, it's two babies.

Ruth: Yes. Two. Twins.

Reception: Wonderful. Okay, so what is Harper's birthday?

Ruth: (sigh) The same as her twin sister's...December 30.

Reception: Same day?

Ruth: Yep.

Reception: And you would like their appointment to be together?

Ruth: That would be great.

Reception: Alrighty. We'll see you tomorrow for Piper Lee and Harper.

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Ruth: Hi, this is Ruthie Pooh. I need to make a two month appointment for my twin daughters, Harper and Piper Lee Pooh.

Reception: Alrighty. Let's see what we have. Yes...Harper Pooh. And how old will she be?

Ruth: Well, she will be two months...at her two month appointment. And I need one for Piper Lee, too.

Reception: Oh, are they sisters?

Ruth: Yes. Twins.

Reception: Wonderful! Well, what is her name?

Ruth: (sigh) Piper Lee. Piper Lee and Harper Pooh. Twins. Two month appointment.

Reception: Okay, let's see...we've got February 22, will that work?

Ruth: Yes, that's great.

Reception: Okay, and what is Harper's birthday?

Ruth: December 30.

Reception: Alrighty, we've got you down for February 22.

Ruth: Great. This is for Piper Lee, too, right?

Reception: Who's Piper Lee?

Ruth: Harper's twin sister.

Reception: Oh. There are two of them?

Ruth: (twins usually come in two) Yes. Two.

Reception: Okay. What is Piper's birthday?

Ruth: (same day as her twin sister) December 30.

Reception: And you want the appointment for the same day?

Ruth: (Why OH WHY?) Yes, that'd be great for my schedule, thanks.

Reception: Okay. We'll see Piper on February 22.

Ruth: Harper, too, right?

Reception: Uh....sure.

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Ruth: Hi, this is Ruthie Pooh. I need to make a four month appointment for my twin daughters, Piper Lee and Harper Pooh.

Reception: Okay. And what are their names?

Ruth: (kill me now) Harper and Piper Lee

Reception: Okay. Harper and Piper. And what are their birthdays?

Ruth: (here we go...) December 30, 2009.

Reception: And this is their nine month appointment?

Ruth: (really? REALLY?) No. This will be their four month appointment. December...2009.

Reception: And who is the appointment for?

Ruth: The twins...Harper and Piper Lee. Twins. Two. Daughters. Two of them. December 30, 2009.

Reception: Oh, there are two of them?

Ruth: Yes!! (sobbing) TWINS! (sobbing) TWO OF THEM. DECEMBER 30, 2009. TWO BABIES. TWO OF THEM. BORN ON THE SAME DAY! THERE ARE TWO OF THE BECAUSE THEY'RE TWINS! I SWEAR! BOTH OF THEM ARE COMING TO THE APPOINTMENT...ON THE SAME DAY...NOT UNLIKE WHEN THEY WERE BORN...ON THE SAME DAY (melting into a pit of despair)

Reception: Wonderful. Okay, April 27 for Harper and Piper Lee. Four month appointment.

Ruth: (a glimmer of hope) Yes. Yes, that's perfect. Thank you...thank you...I kiss your feet.