Monday, July 11, 2011

Secrets, Quirks, Secret Quirks

It took me forever to think of the word "quirks." I kept wanting to say "perks," but I knew that wasn't right. Anyways.

Everybody's got quirks. And secrets (the normal, every day ones...not the "I'm making a skin suit" secret). Everybody's got secret quirks. If you say the word "secret" enough, it starts sounding funny. Quirks make us unique...and weird. But unique nonetheless. We keep secrets to protect others, protect ourselves, or because we don't want to get into trouble with our parents, no matter our age.

I have one secret I've had for almost two years and I want to tell Mom, but I'm gonna give it another year or so. Only, like, four people know about it. Don't worry, Mom, it's cool. Everything's fine. But, it's one of those, "Crazy, right?!" things that I would normally tell Mom, but not in this case.

I have another secret that only David knows about and I really want to get it off my chest, but it's too soon. And nobody got sick, so I know I'm in the clear.

I spy on our neighbors through the windows...oh, wait, y'all already knew that.

This one is more of a quirk...Whenever I'm walking up to a store or building with tall glass windows or doors, I practice my model walk. Tyra would be proud.

Whenever I'm on iChat and Zack or Shane sends a chat, joking about t*rr*rists or b*mbs or something, I'll add a few sentences into the conversation, like, "Puppies are cute, huh," or "How about this weather we're having?" Because, honest to goodness, I'm pretty sure the See Eye Ay has both of them flagged. I love you guys, but I'm almost positive you're being monitored right now and, if it ever came to it, I don't know you and I've never seen you in my life. Oh, and looking forward to seeing y'all Saturday!

In college, I never carried a purse around, my backpack was heavy enough, and my little ID card holder didn't have enough room, so I carried spare change in my shoes when I didn't have pants with pockets. Like, just hanging out with my feet. I needed it for bottled water or a snack between classes. Seemed like a good enough place as any.

At the eye doctor, I have these visions of doing something crazy while the doc is right up in my face checking my eyes. Like, just going "RAWRRRGGH!!" or blowing a puff of air or making my eyes really wide and smiling a creepy smile...just to see what they'd do. It's so boring, so you gotta occupy yourself.

Okay, this is a HUGE secret...y'all can't tell anybody. Like, NOBODY. I was an RA in college my senior year and we weren't supposed to have pets of any kind in the dorms. I don't even think we were supposed to have live plants. Every month, we had to do room checks and two RAs would team up and go into each room and inspect everything. There were a lot of rules, the dorms were really nice, and I can understand the college wanting to keep it that way. You could only hang stuff on the supplied cork strips and boards. The room had to be somewhat clean and decent looking. They would show the dorms to prospective parents and students, so they wanted everything looking nice. Well...there was this one girl. She was really petite and soft-spoken. I think her name was Rebecca. She was a transfer student and was homesick. She got along with her roommate just fine, but her roommate was gone a lot. Rebecca had a Japanese fighting fish...a beta. It was sitting right on top of her desk. I turned to my fellow RA and said, "Room looks good to me." Y'all, we let her keep the fish and never reported it. Ahhhhhhh!! I abused my power and privilege as a dorm leader!! Please forgive me!! Actually, Rebecca and her roommate's room was pristine at the end of the school year. Unlike another room, two doors down from me, where the occupants tried to hide a MASSIVE hole in the wall with their chest of drawers. Yeah, I wrote that room up for some charges. Cha-ching!

One time, I found $.50 in the change dispenser of a Coke machine at Wal-Mart...and I took it.

One time, I found a $20 bill in front of an Old Navy...and I took it.

I have unreadable fingerprints. I've often wondered what I could get away with. Haaaaaa, I's just kidding.

Whew, Load. Off. I feel so much better confessing to you guys.


  1. Now I really want to know the story of how those girls made a massive hole in the wall in the first place.

  2. I want to know what you did that didn't make anyone sick . . . sounds like one of my cooking experiments.

    Going to get fingerprinted today so we can get this adoption show on the road. Hoping my fingerprints are perfectly legible.

  3. you better call me and tell me that secret as soon as you read this:) i will find out eventually and the longer i have to wait, the harder it will be on you!


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