Bogue and Weejer: Soft Paws Indeed!

I know you've heard me talk about our cat/office manager, Blue. She's half blue point Siamese and half pure evil (that's a line taken from Friends, if anybody noticed). I love her to death and couldn't imagine life without her. We've had her for four and a half years and right after we got married, I begged and begged and begged to get a kitty. David caved in and let me pick her out and everything. Well, she was the last one at the breeders, so we had to take her, but that's beside the point. Then I cried and cried and cried because I'm not an indoor animal person and she assumed the carpet was her litter box (kittens do NOT speak English, btw) and there was fur and I'm a neat freak and then I realized, God sent me little Blue to help me with my OCD issues. I still have issues, but I'm a lot more chill about them now. And thankfully we moved out of that apartment almost 4 years ago and the new tenant has to deal with Blue's...leakings.

Blue is somewhat bi-polar. Sometimes she's sweet and cuddly and purrs on my head incessantly at night and, although it's cute at 3pm, it's not cute at 3am. Other times, she's cranky and manipulative and an all-around brat. I mean, just the other day, I walked into the bathroom and there was a message written in lipstick on my mirror..."Die, short one." I was amazed at first, because, Yay, Blue is finally learning to spell! Then I was wondering if she meant the message for me or for Seumas...but I figured it was for me because it was written at my eye level. Either way, it was rude and uncalled for.

Blue has a thick Russian accent, even though she's Siamese. She smokes in the house, and even though we don't tolerate that kind of behavior, she finds a way to sneak them in. I send her on grocery errands sometimes, so I'm guessing that's when she gets them. Anyways. She went south of the border a few weeks ago and had this illegal surgery done...she had eagle talons transplanted onto her paws to replace her normal cat claws. Golly, those things are sharp and she definitely uses them. I was afraid for our arms, legs, faces, lives and for the life of Seumas, her unwitting lackey. One morning, I woke up to find her sitting on my chest with one deadly talon unsheathed from it's fuzzy grey perch...in her heavy Russian slur, she spoke, "Let's put a smile on that face!" I jumped up and promptly told David, we have got to do something about those claws. I also changed our Netflix password...I told her she was watching too many movies.

So, I ordered her some Soft Paws...the humane alternative to declawing. You can order them in a variety of colors and sizes....even for small dogs. I chose the rainbow collection, because Blue is like a rainbow...beautiful, full of color, usually prefaced by harsh thunder and lightning. Last night, Blue proudly donned her new fingernails and pranced around the house for awhile. She didn't like it at first, but knew it was a necessity. I have some pictures:

This is Blue's normal look. I didn't doctor any of these photos. I consider myself a connoisseur of natural photography and I can't stand those designers who have to touch up every single picture.

This is Blue's "hmm...what have they put on my claws" look. She was trying to pull the Soft Paws off.

This is David trying to assure Blue that this is the best thing for everyone and the squinty eyed side-stare from Blue is her "touch me and I'll kill you" look.