Twilight Madness

So...Friday night, we went and had supper with some friends at California Pizza Kitchen. Mmmm MMMM...delicious. If you haven't eaten there, you should, because I hear they're closing. Ha, just kidding. That was dumb...I...don't even know why I said that...moving along. Afterwards, I wanted to go see a movie. It was getting pretty late and with movies costing your first-born child per person, I knew whatever we saw had to be good. 

We had originally talked about seeing Twilight and then changed our minds to maybe go see Madagascar 2 or Quantum of Solace. But, we ended up getting tickets for Twilight. I had never heard of the books until maybe two months ago. And then all of a sudden, TWILIGHT EXPLOSION! It's all I hear about...mostly from 11-18 year old girls. The time we wanted to see was sold out. I was like "what?!" We ended up getting a later time. I'm thinking "Is this like Star Wars or LOTR? What is the deal?" We walked over to Barnes & Noble to peruse while we waited for our time. I was looking at planners and David was walking through Sci-Fi. He comes to a kiosk with none other than the Twilight saga. While he's reading the back of the book, a girl in her mid-20's comes up and asks him, "Have you read them?" David's like, "Read these?"   "Uh. Yeah."   "No, I haven't read them."   "Ohh, they are fabulous! You have to read them!"   "Well, actually, we're about to go see--"   "You have to read them! They're incredible! You know there's a movie, right?"   "Yeah, I got that. Thanks."  I missed the conversation, but David said he thought she was going to eat him. 

I like to get to the theater about 20 minutes before showtime, so I get my perfect seat...in the middle of the middle. We walk into the theater and you would have thought it was Star Wars: The Remake of the Remake. It was insane. 99.9% of the people in the hallways of the theater were girls. I turned to David and mouthed "sorry." I mean, I knew it was a teenage vampire love story, but I didn't realize just how much so. I like vampire stories as does David, so we thought we'd give it a try. I didn't get my middle middle seat, but I did get left middle, so close enough. We're quietly chatting, waiting for the previews to start and David pulls my sleeve and points at a girl a few rows in front of us, "It's Barnes and Noble girl!" And sure enough, there she was, in all her Twilight glory...dressed head to toe in black, wearing her Twilight logo shirt.

 She was with about 6 of her friends and they were steady talking about what's his face. B&N girl says, "O-M-G, I have been waiting for this day for forever, b-t-w." I'm like...you did not just talk in text. And oh yes, she did. 

The movie starts and about 15 or so minutes in, we meet what's his face for the first time. While I'm thinking "hey, that's the kid from Harry Potter," my ponderings are quickly hushed by a supersonic blast of little girl shrieks. After my ears stopped bleeding and I regained auditory abilities again, I shook my head and wondered "what have we gotten ourselves into?" I thought maybe they just freaked cuz it was what's his face and they'd shush the rest of the film, but noooooooooooo...in the middle of the movie, there was a makey-outey scene. Well, I didn't see it because my vision was blocked by the overpowering black wave of "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEks!!" coming from everywhere in the theater. It was like a creepy, high-pitched Gregorian chant...I'm like "did y'all plan this?" Also, the girl directly to my right was a distraction. It was a mid-20's gal and her mom...I thought, "nice, some normal folks." No, she was the worst one. From the time we see what's his face, where she gasped (one of many times during the movie), to the time the credits roll, she held her hands to her face like the blonde star in a 1920's horror film. Not only did she gasp every 20 seconds, she sobbed the entire last half of the film. I was ankle deep in tears. It wasn't even sad!! I looked at her and said "Really? Really?! You are at least 25. Get ahold of yourself, woman!" as I slapped her twice across her tear-streaked face and grabbed her shoulders to shake the living mess out of her. Actually, no I didn't do that. Parallel Universe Ruth did that to her in the parallel universe in which I sometimes imagine myself when I want to do something brave, stupid or necessary but is not acceptable to do so in this universe. 

Now, I will admit...what's his face is pretty. 

He's no David, but he has nice hair and he's a cutie patootie and he did a good job as a vampire. But, come on! I had girl crushes, of course, but I never cried about it. I cried when Bambi's mom died or when White Bull let Tonka go because he loved that horse. 

All in all, I thought the movie was great and I did enjoy it. It was definitely more for girls, but David said he enjoyed it, too. It was a neat story and I liked how they portrayed the vampires. 

Oh my goodness, what's his face is sooooooo gorgeous! That's my best 14-year old impression.