Madre

I've learned a lot from my Mom over the past 27 years. And even though I couldn't be with her on Mother's Day, I want her to know how much I appreciate her. Here are a few insights I've gleaned from Mumsy...

• The whole "Dad said if it was okay with you, it was okay with him and he said it was really okay with him, so....." doesn't work on Moms.

• No matter what Santa brought...no matter how glorious the gifts...no matter the immense amount of energy it takes to restrain yourself from opening the living room door, it's not worth waking Mom up at 5 a.m. Nothing is worth that. Let her sleep until 7 a.m. and Santa's gifts are a lot more fun.

• Just because you don't like to cook, doesn't mean you can't cook. Mom, your Mexican chicken soup is the best ever. If I could take three food items with me to a deserted island, I'd take...water, of course. Cuz, you know. Then chocolate, of course. Cuz, you know. And then your Mexican chicken soup. And I'd be perfectly content on my island. And I don't like to cook either. It takes too much time that I'd rather spend doing something else. BUT, I do like to bake. Because I get to eat the batter/dough/whatever.

• Speaking of batter/dough/whatever...I've learned that if you eat enough raw cookie dough or cake batter, you can build up an immunity to raw eggs. And that some chances in life are worth taking.

• There are human clones alive and well in the world...Mom and I are proof of that.

• Don't order room service in an interior room on a cruise when you have two kids. Something is going to get spilled and someone is going to get reeeeeeeaaaaally mad.

• Don't climb on waterfalls or stand too close to the edge of a mountain. Because nobody has the ability to reason and will most likely fall.

• Don't call your Mom when you're hoarse. Because she will think you're crying and/or in a gutter dying and she won't believe that you're hoarse, no matter how much you start laughing (which sounds like crying) or promising her that you lost your voice and everything is okay.

• Don't ever call your Mom and immediately ask to speak to Dad. Because she will automatically think something is wrong and start freaking out.

• If something IS wrong, call Dad directly, because Mom will freak out.

• Don't even ask to drive the car because Mom is the only person capable of being a safe driver, no matter how many years you've been driving. Also, when you get your permit or your license, don't even bother trying to drive because Mom will spaz the entire time and it's just easier to let her drive and ride with Dad later. Dad will even let you go off-road in the Jeep. Riding with Mom is like riding with Grandma Josephine.

• Mom knows where to find the best shopping deals. Follow her at the outlet mall.

• You can always talk Mom into going to the outlet mall.

• Mom will never give you advice unless you ask for it. She lets me be a Mom to my girls the way I want to be and when I need advice or help, she graciously gives it. I can't tell you how much I appreciate that.

• You will go deaf if you're in the room with Mom when she's on the phone. And I'm pretty loud on the phone, too, so I KNOW she's loud.

• Mom makes impossible bets. Bets she knows she'll win, which isn't fair. Right now, she said she'd give me $1,000 if I could figure out her computer password. I've been trying for two months to figure it out. She said I'll never figure it out...which means I will never give up and will die trying. Not even for the money...but for the pride of knowing I figured it out.

• Also, do NOT mess with anything on Mom's computer. She always thinks people have moved stuff around and/or changed her passwords to stuff. Nobody ever does, but she thinks they have. Hence, the new super secret password.

• Family is the most important thing. Don't take them for granted. Take every opportunity you can to spend time with them.

• A sense of humor is priceless. Don't take yourself too seriously and be able to laugh at yourself.

Mom, you are amazing and I can't tell you how much you mean to me. Thanks for being there for me in everything. Thank you for your support and for letting me be me. Your love for life and all things fun and new is inspiring. Seeing how much you and Dad love each other has been such an example for me and David. And thank you for giving up so much of your time to help me with the girls. I could never repay you. You're the best and I love you!