Lame

I'm so out of it today that I can't even pretend to make up something to write about. I'm so sorry. I'm in my pajamas, my hair is ridiculous, I'm eating Cocoa Puffs...I look very sad today. Not depressed sad, but like, if you saw me, you'd feel sorry for me and say, "Oh, wow, she looks bad." 

So, I have two things to say to you today...

One: 

Happy Birthday, America! Thanks for everything you've done for us. I am very happy I belong to you and I'm very thankful you let me stay here. All of you kids have a great Fourth and be safe and don't hold onto the fireworks after you light them. You really should let them go. Thank a soldier, give them a hug. Don't forget the sacrifices made that have given us the freedoms we have here and have made this nation so incredible. Don't forget the foundations this country was built on. In God We Trust. They can try to politically correctize that all they want, but they'll get over it. And if you have a problem with my country, there are planes and boats that can take you anywhere you want to go. Permanently. I'll wave to you at the dock. So, Happy Fourth, friends! Seriously...let go of the fireworks. It's not worth it. Ask Four Fingers McLendon. 

Two:

If you wanted to surprise me with a weekend at the new 103rd floor glass balcony rooms at the Sears' Tower in Chicago, you should cancel the reservation, because I'm not walking out there.