Have you ever made it your life goal to figure out how many characters are played by the same people on Sesame Street without Googling it?
Have you ever started preparing that edamame and quinoa salad that so and so fitness expert recommended to Jessica Simpson for her slim-down-for-the-wedding plan, blacked out, and woke up next to a half-eaten bag of Oreos?
Have you ever picked up the phone, held it to your ear, and waited and waited and waited for it to ring, and then realized you never dialed? And you have no one to blame but yourself.
Have you ever gone to go do something, walked into the room, forgot what it was you were going to do, and literally backed up, retracing your steps until the moment you remembered what you were doing?
Have you ever bought Christmas or birthday presents, hid them, forgot all about them, and found them a year later...and maybe waited to give them for THAT year's Christmas?
Have you ever washed your hair 3 times because you couldn't remember if you just washed it or not?
Have you ever thought, "Hmmm...you're writing a lot of stuff about your forgetful mental status."?
Have you ever looked at your kids and thought, "Now, which one are you?"
Have you ever planned your vacations 2, maybe 3 years in advance?
Have you ever tried to hide a box delivered at the door from your husband?
"What's that behind you?"
"Did you order another pair of shoes?"
"I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about."
"Oh, really? It says Piperlime on the box."
"How do you know what Piperlime is? Maybe YOU ordered shoes."
Have you ever made a "milkman" joke to the wrong group of people? "Oh, your childrens' eyes are so beautiful." "Aw, thank you. They get it from the milkman. Heh heh." There's no backpeddling out of that one. Just so everyone knows, our milkman is a woman. Actually, no, there is no milkman, it's not the 50's. You have to tell those jokes to a very specific group of people.
Have you ever put Scotch tape on your kids' fingers just to occupy for them 20 minutes while you did the laundry?
Have you ever read someone's status in your newsfeed and it was kind of like, "WHAAAAAAT??" Either they called someone out or there was some huge drama going on, made very public by the fact that it's a, well, public wall. So, for several days, you checked back to see how the story unravelled. Like a cyber soap opera. I am quite frankly shocked by some of the things people put as their statuses.
Have you ever (Courtney) watched your neighbors out of your window for weeks and then thought, "I'm exactly the person that I'm afraid is watching me out of their window."? But then went back to watching because it's super fun and detective-y.
Have you ever tried to teach your kids to give you a back massage?
Have you ever put both of your contacts in the same eye, got out of bed, stumbled around, and lasted about 10 minutes before you realized something was up? "Dag yo...my prescription is wonky. Oh...wait..."
Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon? Hey, is that where blue tortilla chips come from?!
If you answered "yes" to any of these questions...then you're a weirdo. I've never done any of those things.