Monday, December 12, 2011

Men Vs. Women

A wonderful weekend was had with pictures to come, but first...a post about the subtle differences between the male and female genders.

By "subtle," I mean huge, of course. I just have this image in my head of that moment when God created woman out of man and He says to the heavenly host, "Heh heh, guys...this is gonna be hilarious. Gather 'round, cuz it 'bout to get gooooood." For comparison purposes, I'm going to use myself and David, because that's super convenient. I'm a gal. He's a guy. It worked out nicely.

Exhibit A
I'm by myself with the girls from 6:30 a.m. until 5:30 p.m. every week day. I work from 7 a.m. until 3:30 p.m. every week day. When David gets home, my regular work is done, most of my freelance is done, the playroom is in order, the living room is immaculate, the kitchen is clean, the laundry is put up, and the girls are still alive.

On the weekends, every now and then, I'll go out by myself for two hours to run errands or meet up with friends or just get out of the house for a bit. I come home...TWO hours later...the playroom floor is gone, the living room is unrecognizable, the kitchen is–don't get me started on the kitchen–, but the girls are still alive...daughters and father laying on the floor, gasping for air after finishing a wrestling match. And I'm like, "Wha–?! Wh–?, HOW?!"

Let me clarify this one by stating that David is a wonderful father and husband and I know just how good I have it and he gives me breaks and lets me go out and do whatever. I'm merely describing the differences in housekeeping tendencies. I'll ask, "How did this happen?" And he'll say, "Uh, I've been watching the girls, duh. You try keeping the house clean and watching two crazy kids at th...oh, wait, sorry."

Exhibit B
David is an amazing launderer. While our separate closet sections look the same, you can definitely tell which drawers are his and which are mine. His open smoothly and all of his articles of clothing are neatly arranged. I have to leaaaaaan way back and puuuuuull to open my drawers and then everything in them explodes outward like a can of worms. And then, when I'm putting clothes up, I get the drawer as closed as I can and then use one finger to poke everything sticking out back in.

When David folds a towel, it looks like this.

When I fold a towel, it looks like this.

Exhibit C
A PB&J sandwich.

Peanut Butter

Warm up the skillet
A splash of extra virgin olive oil
Butter two slices of bread
Bread #1
Peanut Butter
Jelly...grape. No...strawberry. NO!...fig preserves.
A sprinkle of nutmeg
A dash of cinnamon
Bread #2
Lightly toast sandwich in skillet
A pinch of sea salt
Sprig of mint on top
No boom, because the boom was an hour ago

Exhibit D
I'm not ashamed to admit it, but most of the time, I just put the toilet paper roll on top of the holder. David cannot stand it. Like...I get a lecture every single time. It's toilet paper, who cares! No...some people care. "How hard is it to put the roll on the holder? It will take you an extra 7 seconds. Why, why won't you do it??" At first, it was just because I wanted to use those 7 seconds for something else, but now I do it just to aggravate him.

Exhibit E
David likes video games, what guy doesn't. I'm more like "meh" about them. I do like some of them. I don't like first person shooter games. I don't like anything where anybody is chasing me. I'm good at Mario Kart. I like puzzle video games, like Prince of Persia. David plays the hard parts where you have to fight people and he lets me play the parts where you have to solve this puzzle by pulling this lever and swimming through this cavern and twisting these dials this way, etc. A perfect example of this is Castlevania. I like to stay in the town and talk to people. He likes to go fight Dracula. I mean, why fight when you can shop in town?

Exhibit F
When I'm cooking, as I finish using a bowl or spoon or ingredient, I immediately put it up. I'll either wash out the bowl or put it in the dishwasher and I put the ingredient up in the pantry. David piles everything up in the sink until he's done cooking and then loads the dishwasher. But, during the cooking process, the kitchen is insane. My way gives you so much more counter and sink space. Also, David arranges the dishwasher like it's a diorama he's presenting to the Queen. I load that sucker as full as it will go and cram things wherever there's space...even if there's not space.

Exhibit G
When we're watching a movie, I cannot miss a single line. It's a little OCD, I realize that. But, I also think, "This may be the only time I ever see this movie and that line may have given us a pivotal plot point. I cannot miss it!" So, if someone talked or I didn't hear it clearly, we have to rewind it. I don't have a problem in movie theaters...probably because I subconsciously know I can't rewind it. David will get up to get a drink or to go change out of work clothes and I'll ask him if he wants me to pause it and he's like, "No, it's cool," and he'll miss THREE MINUTES. I can't do that.

Exhibit H
David: Let's get out the laser level so we can make sure these pictures on the wall are aligned properly.
Ruth: Pictures are already up.
David: They're kind of crooked.
Ruth: it character.

Exhibit I
David: Let's watch Holmes on Homes.
Ruth: That stresses me out.

Ruth: Let's watch Toddlers & Tiaras.
David: That stresses me out.

Exhibit J
Ruth: We need to think about getting a new vehicle.
David: Okay. What were you thinking.
Ruth: Hmm...something black.
David: Well, what kind of car? Let's try to find something with good gas mileage.
Ruth: Whatever. Just something black with silver door handles.
David: Okay, that...that doesn't help us. Do you want something bigger?
Ruth: Does that come in black?

We're so different, but we have so much in common. I think we make a good team. We complete each other...awwwwwwwwwwww....I'm serious about the toilet paper roll. He gets so frustrated with me.


  1. funny you talked about getting a new car. have you considered a suburban? just wondering? the gas mileage is horrible but other than that, they are wonderful:)

  2. "Does that come in black?"
    I died out laughing--seriously, I woke up my cat because I was laughing so hard. Love your blog. Thanks for the laughs.

  3. Funny funny! But I have to admit I'm a messy cook. But I clean it all up afterward.

  4. Exhibit C: exactly what I was telling Abbi about the other day!

  5. NO KIDDING on exhibit a. i mean, WHAT THE HECK? i leave chad with the baby for ONE HOUR and i come home and think the house has been ransacked by hoodlums!

    also, my drawers are how you described yours are. it's ridiculous.

  6. HOW do you work a full day with two children and have a clean house?!?! I tried...and gave up! And...I was only working 1/2 time. I rely on daycare.


I like your comments.
Mom, keep it clean.
Have a fabtastic day!