Driver's License

So (I realize I always start my posts with "So,"), my license was a little bit expired. I never had a chance to have it renewed at the beginning of Fall and then lo and behold, my stomach started touching the steering wheel and I was banned from driving by el doctor, so I was never able to get it renewed. Well, sweet brother Noah stayed with us last night whilst on his way home from college and he offered to take me in this morning to get it renewed. Awww...thanks, baby bro! I had really been dreading getting this done...I knew I had to, otherwise it would have been breaking the law if I tried to drive...but ugh, I did NOT want my picture taken. My previous license's picture was actually kind of cute and I liked it. And I knew she would make me take a new picture.

I spent the better part of last night practicing my license smile in front of the mirror. Just the way Tyra Banks said to practice. I finally found a good pose. One that would not show my extra chin(s) and would not make my nose look entirely troll-like or make me look like I had just gotten back from my weekly lip collagen injection party. Well, we get to the driver's license office and wait our turn. I step up to the counter and the lady looks at me and says, "Were you due yesterday?" Ha ha...I'm pregnant...that's hilarious. I just smiled and said, "Yeah, I wish." She asked, "When are you actually due?" I said, "Well, not until January 28." She looked at me, looked at my gut, looked back at me...eyes hugely wide. After I receive that look, I've learned to just add, "But, it's twins." I usually get over-exaggerated sighs of relief...which, I did this time, too. She said, "Well, I was about to say. I was hoping there was more than one in there." Ha ha...I'm huge...it's soooo hysterical. Once again, I just smiled and said, "Yeah...there are two in there." She confirmed my address and information...asked me to step in front of the blue screen, look at the camera...but no, I couldn't remember how I was supposed to do my face! It was all happening so fast! Wait...WAIT! Too late. Click. It was done. My destiny printed in plastic...my doom laminated for all eternity. (Well, at least for another few years.) I walked back up to the counter...and to add insult to my injury, she asked, "Is there anything you want to change about your height or weight?" I leaned across the counter and head-butted her...in my mind. In reality, I just laughed and said, "No, please." I'll be a monkey's uncle if I'm changing my weight on that card.

I kept thinking, "Surely it's not as bad as I'm thinking it is." She handed me my temporary paper license and I gasped. Noah had to lead me out of the office...I was mortified. I looked like a grizzly bear...a Kodiak polar grizzly mutant bear. And there was nothing I could do about it. Sigh.

Previous license.

New, current license.