...you think you're about to drink water, but it's actually Sprite and GAG! I love water and I love Sprite, but when you're about to drink water and you get a swig of Sprite instead or vice versa, you die a little inside.
...you drink a sip of your hot chocolate that you so dearly love and it's gone cold because you waited too long and well, you die a little inside then, too.
...you look awesome when you leave the house for work, but around 3:00 pm, you go and do a mirror check and see your reflection and think "I didn't know they were hiring trolls."
...you can sing better than Beyoncé and Christina put together while you're in the shower or car, but when you sing for a human audience, a chorus of dying cats emanates from your throat instead.
...you greet a woman's baby with a "hey, buddy" and are quickly reprimanded with an "It's a GIRL!" Well, you know what, lady, stop dressing your daughter in sweatpants and a sweatshirt that says "Li'l Slugger." And put a bow in her hair for goodness' sake.
...you are commenting on a friend's cute dress but realize the back zipper is a little bit crooked and you say something about it so she can fix it to which she replies, "Maybe you're a little bit crooked." To which you reply, "Maybe your mom is a little bit crooked." To which she replies, "Maybe your face is a little bit crooked." To which you reply, "Maybe your back is a little bit crooked." And then you find out that she had scoliosis as a child and had to wear a body brace. (M, I'm so sorry about that, btw.)
...you think it's 4:24 p.m. and look up at the clock and see that it's actually only 8:03 a.m.
...you don't go potty before the movie and, during the best part when you just can't get up and leave, your bladder screams in your ear..."I can't take much more of this, Captain! You've got to go now!"
...you don't save room for dessert.
...you haven't had a chance to write a real post with pictures in forever and you resort to creating lists of random things to yammer on about.
I HATE the room full of people one. Hate it. The other day, I was sitting at my desk and there's a lady named Linda behind me and in the corner. She dropped something and made a loud commotion and so I jokingly said, "SANDRA, keep it down back there, I'm trying to work."
ReplyDeleteSilence.
Dead silence.
Geeze, I thought to myself, she needs to lighten up. I thought was funny!
Then I realized I said Sandra, and Sandra was across the hall and not in the office. I called Linda Sandra so it didnt make sense and I was very embarassed.
SO I sat in the awkard silence a little longer until I got up and left. :)
Or, when you think you're about to take a sip of a Vault and your wife has put a V8 in the drink tray instead.
ReplyDeletePicture Jim Carey dry heaving in Dumb and Dumber. Yup. That was me . . .
I once did my famous (in limited circles) "deaf girl voice" in front of a casual friend whose father is deaf. She laughed & then said, "that's funny! My dad is deaf!"
ReplyDeleteI still do have scoliosis. It didn't go away when I turned 18.
ReplyDelete