Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Why? (part deux)

Why do balding men insist on growing their hair out longer in an attempt to prove to society that they do, in fact, have hair? It's not like it's going to grow up and OVER your head. Same with graying men. You realize we can tell that you've dyed it, right? I say, embrace it! The ladies think it's hot. Trust me. Think Bruce Willis in Die Hard 4. Or Vin Diesel. Or Richard Gere in Pretty Woman. Nice....

Why do I get a zit(s) the DAY before I'm meeting someone or attending an event or being interviewed by E! for my True Hollywood Story. Pores, how rude. 

Why does tax season have to be sooooo looooong? I'm so over it. One more week, sweetie pie. 

Why am I so avidly drawn to the sun's harmful radiation of delight? I think I might be a plant. 

Why does the GV brand of Cocoa Puffs have an acidic aftertaste? 

Why did I buy the GV brand of Cocoa Puffs? 

Why am I so cheap? 

Why do I want to punch the neighbor's dog in the face every single day? It might be because he looks like a troll. Or it might be because his pitiful excuse for a bark sends a subliminal message to anyone within range, "Please punch me. Please punch me. I'm a troll dog." 

Why did you decide to take your leisurely drive through the town, going 10 under the speed limit, RIGHT as I'm rushing to make it before the bank closes because I, unlike you, have other things going on during the day. 

Why, neighborhood alliance, does it matter that my water hose is yellow and not green? And why, neighborhood alliance, does it matter that it's visible from the road? It's in a yard. It happens. Chill. And why don't you go pull the multitude of wild onions out of your yard before you complain about the solitary dandelion in mine. 

Why do I love Netflix so much? Oh, because it's awesome. That's why. 

Why am I okay with paying $9.50 to see a new movie when I can wait a month and see the same movie for $1. Oh, because people are murdered at the $1 theater. And because gremlins live in the seats. That's why. 

Why does my cat have a blog? Because she likes to express herself through word-thoughts and haikus. Don't judge. 

Why am I spending my lunch break blogging when it's beautiful and perfect outside? That is a good qwesshun. I'm outsies! 

1 comment:

  1. I love your Why posts. I am definitely going to do this soon...ya know, to get some things off my chest. :)


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