Things That Stress Me Out

- When my hands are slightly wet and I reach into the freezer to get some whole pieces of ice and my hand sticks to the ice as I'm carrying it to my bowl or cup or whatever. I freak out for a second because I think, it's going to pull my skin off. I start thinking of that flag pole scene in A Christmas Story...and it really worries me.

- Bluetooth cell phone ear things. I don't know why, they've never done anything to me, but those thing stress me out. Are they talking to you? Are they faking a phone call? Is it necessary to talk louder? Are you more important because you have one? If you have one, your chances of being slapped by me rise quite considerably.

- When I'm super super super hungry and all I want is that slice of Pizza Hut supreme pizza sitting right in front of me. But it's too hot. Do I burn in my innards just to satiate my hunger or do I wait until it cools...possibly eating someone in the meantime? It really is a dilemma I believe most people face frequently.

- Our neighbors' dog, Rocky. Quite possibly the ugliest dog in the world. I don't understand him or why he looks that way. He looks like a miniature pony/lion/old lady's wig/leprechaun mix. And he gets a haircut every now and then and it makes it worse. Poor Seumas tries to be his friend because Rocky doesn't have many, but Seumas doesn't want to be associated with him...I wouldn't either.

- My voice is changing. I know, right. I know I've told a few people this, but for the past few months, I've been sounding either hoarse or like a dude. I was concerned because I just knew it was a huge throat tumor or something. So, I did some research online and called and asked and no, it's because of the babies. The extra hormones make your vocal chords larger and it simulates being hoarse...or sounding like a dude. So, now, I'm afraid people think, "Hey, look at that pregnant chic...she sounds like a man." OR "Hey, look at that guy, he looks like a pregnant chic." Neither scenario makes me happy. They're saying it's not going to go away until after the babies come. Ah well. At least I can sing bass in the choir.

- The season of Project Runway...I'm not loving it.

- The swine flu. I mean, who doesn't that stress out. But, after reading on the news last week that 1 in 3 pregnant women hospitalized in the US with the swine flu has died, I'm just slightly concerned. Stresses me out just a tad. My hands are pretty much raw and bloody from washing them so much. I need to stop kissing people.

- I can't find the soft peppermint sticks anywhere. Where are they? Where are you hiding, wonderful joys from the North Pole? Found the regular soft candy, but not the sticks. It's annoying me. I know only old ladies eat those, but come on, they're delicious.

- When Blue brings me a toy and sets it at my feet...making this insane meowing noise. Is she bringing me her "kill" as a gift? Does she think I'm a kitten and she's trying to feed me? But it's really really sweet and I want to say "thank you" (I know it's a cat), but I mean, she could just be trying to tell me "You're looking a little round these days...might want to try smaller portions like this."

- When the UPS guy drops off a package and he rings the doorbell, knocks and when nobody answers, he leaves it at the door. Well, usually I'm looking quite atrocious and a little like a zombie, so I just don't answer the door. But does it hurt his feelings when he gets back in his truck and sees that I'm grabbing the package off the step? Does he realize that I just waited until he walked away? Does he think I just didn't want to talk to him? I'm just trying to save him from having to talk to a hideous pregnant man.