Things I Never Told My Mom

Mom, there are a few things that have really been weighing on me lately and I just need to get them off my chest.

When Noah and Peter were younger and couldn't defend themselves at the dinner table, Sara and I would put our food on their plates when you told us "you're not leaving this dinner table until every bite is eaten." And we threatened them not to tell y'all.

If we made the boys cry by pushing, hitting, or glaring at them, we'd keep them from tattling on us by saying something like "Hey, I think there's a unicorn in the field. Do you see it?" It worked every time.

Remember that time that I wore a band-aid on my finger for weeks and you kept asking, "What is wrong with your finger?" And I kept saying "Nothing. I just scratched it really bad." Well, Sara and I had been out in the woods one day, playing with the ax like you told us not to, and she "accidentally" chopped down right on top of my finger. Thankfully, I was wearing leather gloves and it hit directly on my nail and just bruised it, turned purple, all that jazz. I just didn't want you to take me to Dad's office to have it drained cuz that mess looked like it hurt. So, it fell off on its own.

When we got back from Saddle Rock one year, I shaved under my hair, back of the neck up to my ears, with Dad's clippers. Because, that's what all the girls did at camp that year and it was "cool." I didn't do a very good job, so I wouldn't wear my hair in a ponytail for months around you.

When I knew I was going to get a scheduled spanking from either you or Dad, I would PILE on pairs of underwear beforehand to help with the pain.

When I was 16, I was running an errand for you at the bank (so, really, it's your fault) and this guy in a truck in front of me let off the brakes and backed up slowly into my car, despite my honking and yelling. I waved him on to go ahead and don't worry about it...I have no idea why...and I just knew my front bumper was completely destroyed. When I got home, I checked, not a scratch. I know I should have checked at the bank, but it all ended up being okay, so no worries.

When I met David, I used to get up in the middle of the night, turn off the burglar alarm, and go check my email to see if he had written.

When Noah was really young, and Sara and I were into our "Let's Build A Fort" stage, we'd build a lot of "bridges" and make him walk across them first to test them. Don't worry...we'd always make sure there weren't too many sharp objects underneath.

You knew we hid under Noah's bed and would make noises when he went to sleep. But we also used to hide in his and Peter's closets behind their clothes and make noises.

We (I) used to cut up our (my) clothes to make costumes...princessy or piratey...and when you'd ask, "Hey, where's that so and so sweater/pair of pants?," we'd always say, "Oh...it got holes in it from being in the woods" or "I left it at camp."

One time, when I was in 2nd grade, I told you that I had to wear a purple shirt for "team" day, so you went and found me one. In truth, "team" day was the week before and I had already worn the purple shirt, but all of the girls were wearing purple that day.

Sara hides candy wrappers ALL over the house, Mom.

I used to sneak into y'all's bathroom and spray on some of your perfume. And when you'd ask "Why do you smell like my perfume?," I'd say, "Probably because I hugged you earlier."

I'm pregnant.

Thanks for letting us kids live for as long as you have. You're an awesome Mom! We love you!