Krispy Kreme vs. Shipley's

This is an actual, non-biased, scientific experiment recently conducted by NASA and the American Taste Administration. It has been widely recognized and accepted as one of the the nation's most pondering theorems finally proved. So, basically, you can't argue with it...else you're just gonna look silly. 

The original theorem/question was:

Who makes the best doughnuts? Krispy Kreme or Shipley's. 

The individuals involved in the test, doctors and mathematicians and theorists and geeks from every field of science, and after many thorough and rigorous tests, came to these conclusions...

TASTE

Krispy Kreme - Perfection. Perfected through a highly-guarded kneading, oil-bathing, and glazing process. It's like biting into the manifestation of pure contentment. 

Shipley's - Gag. It's the taste equivalent of the smell of a putrid lake shore where fish come to poo. 

APPEARANCE

Krispy Kreme - They look as delicious as they taste. They make people want to cry.

Shipley's - Gag. They look like the rocks on putrid, fish poo-infested lake shore. 

CREAM/CUSTARD FILLING

Krispy Kreme - Fluffy and light, yet filling and delightful...with a little crisp to the bite from the loads of sugar enveloped in each dollop. People have been known to lapse into comas after eating a chocolate covered cream filled...but those same people have said it was totally worth it. 

Shipley's - Gag. Like squirting a tube of tasteless lard into your mouth. 

DOUGHNUT CONSISTENCY

Krispy Kreme - Warm, fragrant yeast bread from the heavens. 

Shipley's - Eons-old bagels left over from the time of Moses. 

FINAL CONCLUSION 

If you think Shipley's is better than Krispy Kreme, well, then, you're dumb and no one can help you. 

Don't hate me...I'm just the messenger. Blame the scientists. Their findings can be found in libraries and stuff.