Scont

I'm sure we all have things we've said that we're made fun of for. I know I've said and done plenty of things and it's a running joke in my family that I once said I wanted "to be a dog for a day." (I said it when I was FIVE, but apparently, "oh ho ho, it's so stinking funny that a kid said they wanted to be an animal...oh ha ha.") Anyways. So, I couldn't help but get a few of those genes and yes, I admit, I make fun of people, too. But, who doesn't...I mean really. And most of the time, it's not what the person meant, it's just how they said it and gosh, it's just funny. Here's a few of my favorites...

(Disclaimer: I love all of these people dearly and I would do anything for any one of them. I just wanted them to know that.)

Billy - 

A few years ago, we were visiting our friends Billy and Beth and they were moving into their new place and we were helping. Billy, ever the handyman, was looking for his toolbox and asked Beth, "Where's the screwdriver, Beth?" 

Beth responded, "It's probably still in the car. What do you need it for?" 

"I'm gonna hang up these sconts...Oh, nevermind, I found it. Ruth, can you hand me that scont right there?" 

Ruth says, "I do not know what a scont is." 

"You know...one of those wall things that usually has a place for a candle or some kind of lighting."

"Do you mean a sconce...plural being sconces?"

"Oh."

I was just proud of him, because most men wouldn't have know what a sconce was. So, now, whenever we're somewhere and see a wall-mounted lighting fixture...we count them..."one scont, two sconts, three sconts..."

Noah - 

After my brother moved into his apartment with some friends at college, I called to check and see how he liked it and to tell me a little about it. We were video ichatting and he picked up his computer and carried it around and showed me his apartment...describing what everything was. "This is my bedroom...bathroom...this is the living room...kitchen...this is the dining room crook...this is the–" 

"Wait, what? Back up." 

"The kitchen?"

"No, after that." 

"The dining room crook?" 

"Yes...is there a burglar that lives in your dining room?" 

"No...I thought that's what...I thought..."

"Nook." 

"Oh. Well, I was close." 

So, now we give Noah a hard time about there being a creepy man dressed in black that lives in their dining room and steals food. 

Sara - 

A long time ago (last week), the whole family was sitting around playing Balderdash (one of my favorite games ever) and Sara was reading the definitions, "A herd of goats that only lives in the Yo-see-might Valley." The family kind of sat quietly...staring at her...

Dad says, "The what Valley? Where is that?"

Sara, "Yo-see-might...you know." 

Mom, "Yosemite."

"Oh. Well...this herd of goats lives there." 

Chelcie - 

My senior year of college, Chelcie would come and help me with art projects late at night/early in the morning and I would help her study for her nursing boards. One such night, it was close to 2 a.m., we were cutting some aluminum foil for some dumb something I was working on and she stops...and with all of the seriousness and weight of the world on her shoulders, she somberly states, "You know what's so weird about scissors...it's fascinating. Because, even though they open and close up and down, they can move back and forth at any time. Like, you control them." 

"Yes...yes, that is true." 

To this day, I still don't know whether it was because we were so tired or because the spirits of Socrates, Plato and Aristotle alighted upon her and she discovered a new study of philosophy. I just don't know, but scissors are pretty amazing. When you think about it. 

David, my darling - 

A few years ago, we watched an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and the episode was about this pack of hyenas that would call people's names and when the person looked into their eyes, the hyenas would transfer their souls into the people and possess them and walk around as humans. When the episode finished, David turns and looks at me and says, "Can hyenas really say your name?" 

After I recovered and was wiping my eyes, I said, " I don't think they can, sweetie. You don't have to worry about it." 

"No, no! That's not what I meant...I meant, can they mimic sounds...you know, like parrots can do." 

"Sure, okay, sweetie." 

"Shut up." 

For fun, every now and then, I'll walk around the house and lilt in a high-pitched voice, "Daaaavid....oh Daaaavviiiidddd....come play with us...tee hee hee hee hehehehehe. Daaaaaviiiid. Tee heee hehehehe." He gets kinda mad. Also, whenever we go to a zoo, I make sure to get his picture by the hyena exhibits when he's not looking...and sometimes, I'll catch him staring into their eyes...they've been calling his name.......