Not So Sweet Potato Fries

So, ever since Monday when David and I watched an episode of Bones before bed where Dr. Brennan was sharing some fries Dr. Saroyan, I've been dying to have some sweet potato fries. So, David picks me up some sweet potatoes on Tuesday and yesterday evening, David and I made a whole heaping batch of sweet potato fries. They smelled so delicious and they tasted even better. 

Here's how to make them...in case you didn't know: 

You'll need some sweet potatoes. Wash them off, unless you have a dirt deficiency. 

Find yourself a hot, hunky man to cut up the potatoes. (I found mine in the mountains of Tennessee, so that's a good place to start looking.) 

You'll also need a vacuum dog...one of those contraptions that sucks up every speck of food off the kitchen floor when you "accidentally" drop something. You can find them at any Bed, Bath & Beyond...Target has some good prices, too. 

You'll want a cat. The meanest, most loathsome cat you can find. One that stares at you with the wrath of a thousand angry souls and makes you sleep with one eye open. 

Get you some E.V.O.O. Extra Virgin Olive Oil or just some animal fat, if you don't care about your heart, and slap it in a big skillet over medium to high heat. Wiggle it around to spread it evenly. Throw your cut up potatoes in and cook for a little bit...stirring occasionally. You can go ahead and salt them if you like or wait until after. Whatevs. They'll start out looking like carrots. 

But they'll eventually start looking like this. You can cook them for as long as you want. They'll eventually turn to mush. I like them with a little bit of burnt crisp on a side. 

Pour over a paper towel to soak up the extra oil and devour. You're welcome. And I'm sorry I look like a homeless person.

WARNING: Enjoying this delicacy comes at a very high cost. If you cook them yourself and the smell of sautéed sweet potatoes lingers in your house for awhile and then you eat waaaay too much of them because you just HAD to have them...you might become sick during the night and wake up several times and feel the need to splash cold water on your face and spray yourself with your Bermuda Lili eau du toilette to get rid of the incessant sweet potato smell that won't go away and go back to sleep only to wake up in the morning and absolutely hate sweet potatoes and never want to eat them again. The end.