Well...that's just dumb

So, I have a little day-by-day pregnancy book I go through...day-by-day...and it's pretty fun. It's very informative and a lot less scary than the What to Expect/Morbid Die book. The thing is...it's starting to get kind of bossy and well, really judgmental. And this isn't just my hormone-induced perception. I told my mom some of the stuff it was saying and she agrees with me. And just because my mom and I are the exact same person, just a few years apart, doesn't matter either. It's a super sassy book...which, normally, I would be like, hey, alright, my kind of book. But, this book, I just want to fight. 

For instance, the first few weeks, it was all like, "Your baby is blah blah ounces and he/she is starting to grow her vertebrae, etc." and "You probably don't want to eat a lot right now, so try drinking juice and mild whatever." You know...nice, helpful things. But now, it's like, "Your baby is blah blah ounces and he/she is affected by every single thing you say. Your child could become a serial killer if you watch too many Cold Case Files reruns." I'm like...nah ah...that's a lie, book. But, I'm still kind of like...well...huh. And then it's starting to say stuff like, "You know you're probably going to get stretch marks...because you eat so much. There's nothing you can do about it. So, eat away, fattie." And I know I'll get stretch marks and I really couldn't care less. If you're prone to get them, you'll get them and yeah, sure, lotions will help reduce them, but it's genes and whatever anyways. I'd like to see the stretch mark haters house another human being (or two) for 9 months. But, still, the book doesn't have to say it so harshly. Tact, please. 

And then, there's the ordeal of the legumes. Where it was at first telling me to eat whatever I could get down, now it's telling me I need to eat more legumes and vegetables high in fiber. Also, sugars are sooooo bad for you, so "stay away from the cookies and too much juice and sugary fruits, etc." I'm thinking, Oh, okay...YOU eat your legumes and fiber all day long and see how you like it...you freak. Legumes this and legumes that. Now, I like beans and peas, don't get me wrong...but I don't want two jolly green giants coming out. I'm a very healthy eater (mostly) and I want my kids to enjoy their lives...not eat cardboard for most of it. And, I'm FINALLY getting back to where I like sweet stuff again and I'm not going to miss it. Also, the Dollar General has their own version of girl scout cookies now for $1.50 a box...and they're AMAAAAAZING. So, eat that, day-by-day book.